The Sunday: Falklands Dick Swinging Edition

Colonial Kerfuffle: The Falklands War-like most wars- is really quite a sad event in history. Across 74 days, 649 Argentinians, 255 Brits, and 3 Falklanders lost their lives. For those military personnel that survived, there are the harrowing memories of a brutal combat that shall forever remain with them. It was a war fought out of patriotic passions rather than any more tangible strategic aims, and the resulting nationalistic fervour in Britain helped propel Thatcher to her 1983 election victory. It is an event to be reflected upon with austere remembrance, one that you would hope two mature nations may be able to diplomatically move on from.

Or not... Thirty years on and the Falklands conflict, and the remaining issue of the islands national attachment, appears as a chance for British politicians to undo their responsible foreign policy zipper, whip out their tumescent patriotic credentials, and give the Argies a good slap to the face (similar Female metaphor applies to Argentinian President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner). While both countries may feel strongly about their respective cause, the nature of the 'debate' is infantile, aimed at bolstering nationalistic reputations in their respective countries.

Spot the British bit...

Argentina seem to have decided to go for the glitz and glamour approach to promoting their cause. It started when they decided to rename their equivalent of the Barcalys Premier League after the Crucero General Belgrano, the cruiser sunk during the Falkland conflict, literally turning the issue into a political football. Since then they've had a celebrity endorsement (from Sean Penn) and a publicity stunt when they reported British actions to the UN. You've got to admire the imagination of the PR guys on the Argentinian side.

On the British side it's been a case of incidental visits to the islands by national public figures. First, Prince William was sent there on a 'routine' posting, a failure to comprehend that nothing an heir to the Throne does is remotely 'routine' in the geo-political scheme of things. Then David Willets popped by on his way to Antarctica, before a bunch of MPs from the Defence Select Commmitee swing by next month. It's all horribly unsubtle and crudely undignified. The Falklanders wish to remain British at the moment, hence the British interest in the islands (oh, and something about oil reserves). But the Government seems to be gambling at the moment that jamming various politicians and royals down their throats won't induce a gag-reflex against the pathetic macho posturing that supposedly represents an attempt at a diplomatic, 21st century, foreign policy.


Six Nations: So as expected, England and Wales took victories last week to move to two wins out of two in this years Six Nations. England have greatly benefited from having the two weakest teams in the Championship in their first two matches. This has allowed Stewart Lancaster to determine who's ready to play for him, and who's repeating the mistakes of the World Cup and are likely to be suffering a similar hangover to the World Cup in the new dawn of English rugby that follows the tournament. Wales looked good again, though the Scottish exuberance at tackling anything in red that moved (an exuberance that stems from a similar tactic used on Saturday nights out in Glasgow) cost Andy Robinson's side a decent crack at the game. Were next weeks match taking place in the Millenium Stadium it would be a no doubt Welsh win. The fact it's not balances the encounter, but enough for an English victory?

Ireland over Italy- Anyone disagreeing here? Outside of Murrayfield, it's hard to see where the Italians can ever pick up away-victories. The French postponement probably benefits Ireland who can play the Welsh match out of their system here, and head back to Paris a restored, more confident team.

Wales over England- Excluding the last five minutes of the first half against Italy, the English defence has been pretty strong so far. Wales, however, present a bigger, bulkier, simply better, backs-unit that the Scots or the Italians have, and one that should be able to cause the English mid-field problems. I expect it to be tight-margin of victory- less than 7 points- but for Wales to edge a victory that sets them up for an emotional charge at the Grand Slam through their last two matches back in Cardiff.

France over Scotland- Scotland does everything right. It's witty, it makes eye contact when it's listening, and it knows all the right flirty body contact. Then it leans in for the kiss and headbutts the girl. France recoils, grabs Scotland by the balls, and twists until it squeals. Minimum 15 point French victory.

Braquo- This week I finished off the last few episodes of the first season of Braquo, a French cops drama shown on FX before Christmas that had been sitting on the old Sky+ since then. I came across it as a TV Pick of the Sunday Times, and there was a lot of acclaim for it being thrown about- even some talk of it in the same breath as (control yourselves) The Wire.

Now I haven't seen The Wire so I can't comment directly on that comparison, but I would suggest Braquo probably isn't the Second Coming. But that doesn't mean it's not good. Eddy Caplan and his gang are cops dealing with the scum of the Paris criminal underworld- they're damn good cops too, if perhaps a tad overenthusiastic. Braquo's driving energy comes from the tightrope that Eddy and the rest of his crew, Walter, Theo and Roxanne, must try to walk as they try to clear the name an old colleague, balancing the need to deal with some bad guys, capture other bad guys, whilst the whole time not turning into bad guys themselves. As the season progresses, all four find themselves drawn further and further into a web of assaults, murders, hostage-takings, drug-dealings, internal police politics, family breakdowns, and sex, a fair bit of it their fault. As the season progresses, it also becomes clear that there's no hole you can't get out of by simply hiring a van, loading up on guns and ammunition and pulling on balaclavas. Easy!

It all threatens to get a bit riotously silly. But the factor that helps pull it off is the French-ness. The show oozes Gallic cool from every dangling-out-the mouth cigarette to every cocked-gun in your face. From the steam of BMWs, to the bar in the Police station, to Eddy's residence on a house-boat, the show feels cool, but more, so looks amazing. It wouldn't have worked in New York, or London, nor Copenhagen (which seems to be the centre of good TV at the moment with The Killing and Borgen). The show works and the reason it works is a French thing. Just don't let that put you off!

The Sunday: Banker Hunting Edition

Reclaiming Responsibility: Don your deerstalker and load up your shotgun. The now annual Banker hunting season is in full swing and not a hefty bonus, nor an errant Knighthood, are safe from the foxhounds of Cameroon opportunism or Milibandian rhetoric.

Bonus-less

On Monday, Stephen Hester, uberboss of RBS at the moment, decided to waive his bonus worth a little under £1m. Now Hester runs RBS right now, when the bank is majority owned by the Government, from whom the money provided in the bailout kept the bank alive. Whilst it would have been nice if Mr Hester had somehow stumbled across his morals in the pocket of one of his briefcases and chosen to decline it voluntarily, the manner of the decision was somewhat brought on through a public haranguing. And quite right to, for the bonus for Chief of a lucky-to-be-alive bank like RBS was clearly absurd. Things aren't quite as bad as they were at the depths at RBS, but the money machine's certainly not pumping out profits like it used to.

Fred Goodwin was uberboss at RBS when the money machine was lubed up and spurting out profits like mass-produced chocolate biscuits. For that, they gave him a Knighthood. Fred Goodwin was also uberboss at RBS when things got uberbad. For that, on Tuesday, they stripped him of his Knighthood. The fall from grace puts him in the good company of Nicola Ceaucescu and Robert Mugabe in having been demoted from Knight of the Realm. Without wanting to draw a comparison between the scale of destruction caused by these three unhappy musketeers acts, there is a parallel in  the way that the awards were handed out by an easily impressed, cosy cabal of elites at the top of the British establishment, disconnected from both the  troubles and value-system of those commoners in the real world. One could almost say it makes the Honours system appear ridiculous.

Amusingly, both main political parties managed to find themselves straddling the fence on an issue on which there was only one side to be. Labour drew up Hester's Brucie-bonus contract and Knighted Fred the Shred for services to bad nicknames. The situation was basically all their fault. Ed Miliband, however, did a pretty good job of ignoring what he'd been involved in a few years ago and going successfully on the offensive. For the Tories, it provided some good headlines, and whilst some genuinely see the sense in the actions, stripping a rich man of  undeserved money clearly still rankles with many enough to provide some petty, whinging column inches for the Daily Telegraph. It is a strange world. Labour, former members of the Royal Society for Bonues and Knighthoods for foxes, and current members, the Tories, both sit smiling while the hounds tear the beasts apart.

Cool Fact of the Week: (Courtesy of Slate's Political Gabfest- well worth a listen, especially this being an election year) President Tyler, 10th President of the United States (1841-45), born 1790, still has grandchildren alive. Best of all, one of them thinks Newt Gringrich is 'a jerk'.

Setting an example: Seems like this was the week for the great and the good (or the deceitful and bigoted) to fall on their swords.

Chris Huhne has always been a careerist egomaniac, happy to trample upon anything in the cause of self-advancement. That seems to include both his marriage and the maxim that you don't lie on matters of a criminal nature. For the Lib Dems Huhne was like a dodgy kitchen appliance that was broken, but not quite faulty enough to get rid of. Finally, this week, it blew up on its own accord as Huhne was charged with perverting the course of justice by trying to pass his speeding points on to his wife. Whilst the Government made all the right noises about being sad to see him go, one senses that on both sides of the coalition the Champagne corks were hitting the door as it closed behind him.

Just an all-round good guy...

And then John Terry. Sir John Terry of Stamford Bridge. Is it possible to find anyone who isn't a Chelsea fan willing to say a good thing about John Terry? To be fair to Chelsea fans, quite a few of them can't stand him as well. Whether it's taunting American tourists at Heathrow in the aftermath of 9/11, carrying on affairs with teammates girlfriends, or racially abusing fellow professionals, Terry has always done his best to uphold the highest levels of coarseness, degradation and ignominy. This week facing a criminal charge of using racist language, and the terrifying prospect of the FA's justice system (in what othe profession could you make such overtly racist comments and keep your job?) he was this week stripped of the England captaincy. I fully believe in innocence until proven guilty but John Terry puts forward a good case for the opposite.

In related news, Harry Redknapp's tax evasion trial is drawing to a close.. What a wonderfully high moral standard the high-achievers of our society exhibit...

Six Nations Picks: Made before the weekends games


Final Table:
1. Ireland
2. England
3. Wales
4. France
5. Scotland
6. Italy

This weeks games:

England over Scotland: First the history. England haven't won north of the border since 2004. Scotland haven't scored a try against England at Murrayfield since 2004. If Scotland can keep it tight they could edge a kicking contest, but I fancy the new England crew, without the baggage of players of old, to put on a bit of a show and take a 10-15 point victory.

France over Italy: I know Italy won this fixture last year and that the plucky Romans keep improving but at the Stade de France I can't see anything other than a Gallic victory.

Ireland over Wales: Ireland will be out for revenge after their quarter-final defeat in the World Cup. A glance at the Heineken Cup quarter finals would suggest that Ireland have the strongest pool of talent to choose from at the moment, and I expect that to play out over the course of this Championships.

Made after the weekends games


So... were it not for a couple of questionable decisions by Wayne Barnes in the last 15 minutes of a match that brought the Six Nations to light, I'd be a perfect 3-0 after the first weekend. Bradley Davis deserved a red card, and even with a yellow he deserved to cost Wales the game through a moment of brute idiocy. It's a credit to the rest of the Welsh players that they kept at it, dragged themselves back into the game with a 14-man try, before, in a moment of cruel irony, Barnes gave them a penalty for a rather innocuous tackle on the returned Davis. As for Ireland, with eight minutes to go and a penalty just inside their own half against 14-men they should have kicked to touch. Sexton's speculative effort took time off the clock, but provided the Welsh team with a brief rest period instead of knocking them further on to the back foot. If he makes the kick fair play, but in the circumstances the option more likely to lead them to victory was to bury Wales deep inside their own 22.

Anyhoo, on to next weeks picks:


England over Italy: So the English didn't exactly impress the way I though they might at Murrayfield but they ground out the win. After a solid defensive performance, the Italian challenge should allow them to get a good workout on the offensive side of the ball and move to two wins out of two.

France over Ireland: Can't say we really learned much from France's performance on the weekend, but what we learnt from Ireland is that without O'Driscoll the midfield defence is liable to be punctured at any moment. Ireland have a terrible record on French soil, and I think weakness in the centres, along with the blow of today's defeat, tots up to a French victory.

Wales over Scotland- This fixture two years ago provided one of the best matches I've ever seen and on of the biggest sucker-punches I've ever felt. If Scotland could replicate their performance from that game, minus the last ten minutes, then the impotent performance against the English will be partially atoned for. Wales look impressive though. Up front they're solid, if a bit shaky in the lineout, and their backs play with an impressive mix of pace and force. A win in this could set up a cracking encounter at Twickenham in Week 3 between two unbeatens.

Musical Outro: So this Lana Del Rey. She may not be the self-made, self-financed, album recorded in her bedroom, video made on her laptop, story to make a hipster muso wet themselves. Her performance on Saturday Night Live was pretty awful, the majority of her album is pretty mundane, and her lips look like they've been fiddled with on photoshop. But... I really like this song:

Cameron Picks his Cabinet

Let's get the big guns in first. Hague to the Foreign Office. He speaks well, though he does sounds a bit funny. He doesn't like Europe much, either. That'll show those Continent-loving Lib Dems. Osborne can be Chancellor. Did they really think we'd let some radical dinosaur like Vince Cable have that? He can go to Business. After all, I did promise George he could play with the money if he kept his mouth shut and his sneering face hidden during the campaign. I know Michael Gove said he'd give up his seat for a Lib Dem but we've invested too much hot air on this 'Swedish free schools' thing. He's the only one that really gets it anyway. A school for free? Sounds ridiculous.

These pesky Lib Dems. Got to slot them in somewhere. Tell you what, Clegg can be Deputy PM. It sounds pretty glamorous but doesn't really mean much. I wonder if he makes a good cup of tea. We'll give them Climate Change as well. They seem to be really into that stuff. I know we say we are, but we only do it because we have to. If it was really up to our members we'd be emitting carbon faster than you can say 'but I'll be dead by the time the icecaps have melted'. We'll give that to the grey-haired one, the one that seems to have been permanently pissed off since he didn't get to become leader a few years ago. Chris Huhne. That's him. And the two ginger ones. One of them must be a Scottish MP. We sure as hell can't get any up there! Danny Alexander. Sorted, Scottish Secretary. And the other? Former investment banker. To the Treasury, David Laws, to the Treasury.

Right. Looks like I've gone and surrounded myself with a group of well-presented, Oxbridge educated, 40-somethings, a couple of over-50 university-lecturer types, and a few lavishly-lunched behemoths, all male, all white. Probably time to get a few women into the cabinet. Cheryl Gillan and Caroline Spelman help to make up the numbers, and Baroness Warsi brings the minority quota up to... oh, just one... unelected as well. Yikes. Last one better be big then. How about Theresa May for Home Secretary. Yeah, Home Secretary. The one that became a bit of a revolving door under Labour as there's so much shit just waiting to hit the fan. Immigration shit, crime shit, national security shit. Yeah we'll give her that.

Oh, and tell you what. Because it'd look a bit stupid giving an old white man Minister for Women and Equality, she can have that as well. Adds a little gravitas. What? She's against equal rights for homosexuals? She can't be any worse than Chris Grayling though? He really blew it. Couple of weeks away from the Home Office and he goes and makes some stupid comment about gays in B&Bs. She voted against lowering the age of consent for homosexual couples to the same as heterosexual couples? Against gay adoption? Against repealing Section 28? Jeez. Try and keep that on the down low. Can't be doing with that kind of hassle. I've got a country to run.

Post-Debate Musings

It's Saturday afternoon, two days after the Sky Leaders Debate, and I'm at home, listening to The Clash and keeping a keen eye on the relegation battle unfolding in the final days games in the Blue Square Premier. For my team, Histon, to get sucked into the fold they would have to lose to Barrow, with Eastbourne and Gateshead winning and Forest Green getting something from their game against already relegated Grays Athletic. It's unlikely, but after going through three chairman, two managers and enough players to make up an American Football team this season, I'm prepared for anything. Twenty minutes in and we're drawing, with only Gateshead winning, so for now things are looking good.

Anyway, to the matter at hand; that is my thoughts on Thursday's debate and the surrounding goings-on in this intriguing election race. Thursday morning's papers saw the country's right-wing machinery in full force as the nation's front pages peppered Nick Clegg with unsubstantiated accusations, ranging from dodgy financial transactions to Nazi sympathising. The Tory strategy since Clegg's stratospheric rise over the last week has been for the party to gently scrutinise Lib Dem policy, whilst their tentacles in the media and the blogosphere attempt to strangle the leader's burgeoning reputation as a candidate for change. Thursday's attempts, timed to put Clegg off his game before the evening's debate, appear to have failed as he brushed off the Mail's preposterous claim, joking he'd gone 'from Churchill to Nazi in a week', and later published his allegedly shady bank statements, dismissing The Telegraph's completely overblown attempt at 'scrutiny'.

Football update. It's nearly half-time in the BlueSquare matches and Histon are winning 1-0. Gateshead are still winning with Eastbourne and Forest Green still at 0-0 against Oxford and Grays respectively. As long as things stay the same, the mighty Histon will be remaining in the highest tier of non-league football for another year.

Despite a day of media pressure, Clegg came out on Thursday evening and performed well in the debate, in what was a case of trying to consolidate the past week's gains. Cameron and Brown struggled to make any of their attacks stick and he was again quick to dispel allegations of wrongdoing when Adam Boulton had the temerity to raise the issue of that day's media barrage. It is somewhat of a coup for the Liberal Democrats that polling after the debate put Clegg as joint winner, along with David Cameron, as Mr Murdoch failed to engineer the result he wished. There wasn't any brazen bias apparent on Thursday, but immigration, an issue that came up the week before, and on which Cameron scores high approval amongst voters, was raised again. Electoral reform, an issue supported by Labour, the Lib Dems and the majority of the population, was circled round but never directly addressed, whilst foreign aid, on which Labour have an admirable record, was completely bypassed. Then again, as I'm sure any Conservative would argue, last week's slight Tory bias will surely be readdressed by the pinko-loving, socialist breeding ground, that is the BBC.

Can you smell sarcasm. Or perhaps it's trepidation. Barrow have just equalised meaning a couple of inconvenient goals in Eastbourne and at Grays could stick Histon in real trouble. Scratch that. Barrow now lead. Histon are still, staying up, but only just. Trepidation is giving way to full on panic, so I'll make this last bit brief.

Gordon Brown has been said to have performed better this week but I have to say, I didn't really see it. Perhaps it's because he was pretty shoddy in the first twenty minutes or so and after that my attention rather waned. I feel that an hour and a half is too long, and rather than having the first half themed and the second half open for general questions they should be restricted just to a single theme. I am yet to see a question in the general sections at the end that couldn't be incorporated under either domestic affairs, foreign affairs or the economy. Simple proposal: why not have three, one-hour long debates under those three headings. After the first two debates this year is it's not been what's been said in the debates that has made the headlines but rather the public's response to the debates as a whole. Whilst they've definitely added some spice to this campaign, there's some tweaking to be done for next time.

Update: Forest Green ended up losing meaning they are relegated along with Ebbsfleet and Grays. A 92nd minute own goal salvaged a 2-2 draw for Histon meaning that whatever else happened they would stay up. I'm suitably chuffed right now.

The media, the leaders and personality

Letdown of a debate; Channel 4 does personality politics; Politician version 2.0

I finished my last post on Thursday afternoon expressing my excitement about the first televised leaders debate that was to take place that evening. My enthusiasm even led me to get the time wrong, arriving at Andy Brown's to watch this historic moment an hour early. My over-punctuality, however, turned out for the better as the three episodes of Fonejacker we fitted in whilst Corrie laid down the teatime gauntlet for Messrs Brown, Cameron and Clegg, proved exponentially more entertaining than the tedium that was the main event. And I'm not even a fan of Fonejacker.

The first issue was immigration, a topic on which each leader sought to appease the supposed xenophobe in all of us with a truly nauseating, tougher-than-thou approach. Internet hero Joel Weiner's question on our 'education' system was given short shrift and all three offered similar responses on the issue of crime. Indeed, agreement was the broad theme of the evening with only some petty bickering on the economy between Brown and Cameron, and the Liberal Democrat's pledge to scrap the renewal of Trident demarcating any differences between the three. What the debate went to show was that what clear water there is between the three main parties is but small, shallow puddles on an island of crackdowns on immigration, slashed public spending and policy justification by anecdote.

Nick Clegg has been roundly acclaimed as the winner- a result that has caused somewhat of a media storm around the Lib Dems- yet this is more due to the fact that much of the public were previously unaccustomed with him. With the leaders failing to lock horns on policy, judgements have been made based on performance. Clegg has been acclaimed for his ability to talk straight down the camera to the viewer at home, like an X-factor contestant pleading for the nation to keep them in the competition. Cameron came across as confident and the fact his biggest gaffe is considered to be his story of the black man he met who supposedly joined the Navy aged 10, rather than his categorising China as a potential nuclear threat to a peaceful world, shows how style and delivery are coming under more scrutiny than substance. The hapless Gordon Brown continued to place his sporadic, strained smiles at inopportune moments, such as when being criticised by the others, and remains derided by many corners, not as a political lightweight, but simply as socially-inept.

And here lies the problem. As I sat down for some dinner before heading to the pub on Friday night I was watching Channel 4 news. Halfway through, Jon Snow finished the proper news and handed over to Krishnan Guru-Murthy to present a 'policy free' examination of the three candidates called Britain's Next Boss. The show consisted of three experts- James 'Dragon's Den' Khan, Ruby 'not funny' Wax, and a man, who looked like the kind of guy to be selling you stolen watches in an East End pub, but was in fact referred to as a business psychologist- watching selected clips of Brown, Cameron and Clegg on the campaign trail and then commenting on their team-work/decision making/ genuineness. Here's Gordon Brown with some cabinet members- does this show he's a good team-player? Here's Nick Clegg turning one way out of a room but then going the other- does this show he's indecisive? Here's David Cameron pretending to be mates with some factory workers- does this show he's not genuine? It was an example of the complete dominance of personality and style over policy in modern politics.

This is part of the reason why Gordon Brown is so detrimental to the Labour party at the moment, to the point that he barely figures on most candidates literature. No doubt many people have reservations about the way Labour, under Blair and Brown, have presided over the country, but a lot of people simply see the latter as socially awkward and find it difficult to relate to him. What they want is the socially confident (thanks to a public school and Oxbridge education), forty-something male, with attractive wife and kids in tow. Think Cameron, think Clegg, think David or Ed Miliband. Whilst for a lot of people the UK's political landscape is a dull, monotonous scenery, we risk moving towards a state where the people who inhabit it reflect this, as over-coached, PR savvy, clones. The media persona's of Clegg and Cameron are virtually indistinguishable. Get used to it because there's more of the same coming.

Prepare for people power?

Essays and the Agricultural adjustment act; A power station that generates no power; The elusive Mr Osborne; Let the debates begin

The last few days have been spent getting slowly back into work/essay mode. I would say I'm easing myself back in, upping the hours each day like a jogger slowly upping the mileage in preparation for a marathon. However, it's been more like a jogger who gets to the end of his road and decides he can't be bothered so turns around and walks back to his house. Word counts are the issue at the moment with the essay I've pretty much done a couple of hundred words short and the one I'm working on at the moment shaping up to fall similarly wanting. I blame my laconic style on the useless History A-level exams where you had an hour to write one essay showing how knowledgeable you were. This involved being concise and getting straight to the point to the extent that adjectives and conjunctions came at a premium and was more a test of how many facts you could jam in to two scribbled sides of A4 than a gauge of aptitude in the study of history. For an example of its success I can tell you that one of the bills in FDR's first new deal resulted in the slaughter of 6 million pigs. What I couldn't tell you is what act it was, when it was enacted or whether this great loss of swine life had any effect on America's economic recovery (for those who are interested it was the agricultural adjustment act, enacted in 1933, and I'm still none the wiser on its impact).

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The last few days have seen all the main parties launching their manifestos as well as some not so main parties- my favourite proposal from the lesser parties is Ukip's plan to fund the Met Office depending on the accuracy of its predictions. The launch greeted with the most fanfare was the Conservative's on Tuesday, unveiled in the rather bemusing surroundings of the long-defunct Battersea power station. John Prescott, never one to miss the opportunity for a bit of Tory bashing, saw similarities between the two tweeting 'impressive from the outside but hollow and empty within'. Turns out the manifesto wasn't empty. No, it was all about people power and was filled with all kinds of invitations to set up schools, elect police chiefs and sack MP's. The PR wizards had come up with the High School Musical inspired slogan 'we're all in this together' and David Cameron even had the temerity to quote JFK's old 'ask not what your country can do for you' line. Whilst the presentation may have lacked imagination, the manifesto did finally provide some clue as to what Cameron, as a conservative, stands for.

The question though is whether anyone 1) actually wants to take advantage of these schemes and 2) has the time to do so. At least these were the questions Michael Gove dealt with as he did the media rounds Tuesday evening. I quite like Gove. He speaks eloquently and intelligently and generally answers the questions put to him. He's performing well, as he's playing a pretty predominant role in the Tory campaign at the moment whilst others- Chris Grayling and George Osborne for example- have receded into the shadows. Osborne is an interesting case as, for someone who in a month will likely be controlling our ailing economy, even the Tories seem to realise he can come across as immensely unlikeable. He still has the superior demeanour that Cameron seems to have shaken since their Bullingdon days, and he has a perpetual look of contempt etched across his face. I was fairly surprised when the latest Conservative's letter through our door came baring his photocopied signature (no photos, unlike the Cameron ones though).

Whilst Cameron and Nick Clegg are their parties main assets, Gordon Brown is conspicuous by his absence from much of Labour's election material, replaced by marathon-running comics and vanquished timelords. Tonight he will have nowhere to hide. All three have been attempting to play down the impact of tonight's leaders debate, but it looks set to have a some effect with the expected audience around the 10 million mark. Cameron has been most guilty of trying to dampen expectations warning that it could be 'slow and sluggish'. Despite his efforts he knows he has the most to lose if he doesn't perform. Nick Clegg, who has already shown himself ready to be challenged on his policies with a reasonable performance against Paxman, will benefit from an equal footing with the other two and should show better than his rather tepid interventions at PMQs. And then Brown. It's finally time for him to show why he deserved to survive more coup attempts than most small west African nations ever manage. I can't wait.